I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
