i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
