i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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