I am in a vortex of obligation.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
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