She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my being single is dangerous.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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