Your tits are I can't wait for
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
