She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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