you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
