i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
