i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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