dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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