so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
