Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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