Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
