I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
