Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
