If i come over, it means nothing
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
