How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
