How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
