She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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