apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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