You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
