Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
