SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
