Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He did a backflip because drugs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
