so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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