I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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