i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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