I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
