Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
