Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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