not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
