I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
