I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
