My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
