1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
