Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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