FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
