In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
