I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
