Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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