After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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