She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
