Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
