She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
