I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
