and you said cock pushups were impossible
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
