Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
