I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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