i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
