So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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