Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
