Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
