You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
